Hi guys!

I’ve been getting comments and DMs very kindly/gently asking about how the “two week wait” went.

Basically, am I pregnant? In short, no. And I really thought I was, so it was depressing to find out. I just allowed myself to be bummed out for a few days…but now, I’m getting my mind focused again.

What really helps are reading comments of your inspiring stories, like the ones in this post here. It seems for some of us, perseverance is the key.

I opened up here to discuss this process because I know there’s a good deal of people going through some fertility issues (small or big). It helps me to feel like I’m not alone. After reading some of your comments (and especially DMs for those of you that felt it was too personal to write openly), I appreciate knowing it helps some of you, too.

I’m still hopeful for all of us. I’m gearing up to start all over again. Now, off to get celery juice. I’m hearing it helps. With everything;) And Hayden and I have a mommy/son date this morning. This precious child… We’re already so blessed to have him and Huck. Reminding myself gratitude is a great place to start.

I posted a simple “prayer” on instagram stories last week: Lord, show me how to trust your timing and not my own. No matter what we are all going through in life, this is worth reading.

If you’ve come here to this post and don’t know what I’m referring to, my guess is it won’t be that interesting of a read for you. If BBT reminds you of Big Bang Theory and not TTC, this post wasn’t written for you! (Unless you’re a man and your wife is going through this… might be beneficial? Just saying. lol)

I’m talking about the journey of trying to conceive. The time between ovulation and celebration. Or disappointment….sometimes devastation.

It doesn’t start that way… the first, say, several months are so promising and exciting! You’ve made the decision to have a baby! The adrenaline from just that process can carry you for a few months. But some point, that adrenaline wains and you want to see results. Maybe you were just “trying to see what happens.” But now find yourself clocking your cycle in apps or consulting doctors, doing bloodwork, getting ultrasounds, acupuncture, taking herbs, taking medications, taking your BBT (basal body temperature)… etc.

This photo was 3 years ago at our little make shift photo shoot when I was pregnant with Hayden.

For those of you that have never gone through this arduous process for one reason or another, it most likely seems foreign and possibly crazy. Perhaps you conceived your children easily, or adopted, or chose not to have children. Some of you tried for a long time to get their miracle baby, or came to terms with not having biological children.

When I was 38, I got the feeling from doctors that I was going to have trouble conceiving. I thought it would take me a very long time. I was almost mentally prepared for the process to take 6-12 months. But, it happened quickly. We were blessed.

This time around has been different. Yes, I know I’m older , so there’s that issue. I try not to put pressure on us or myself, but I know it must be there. The pressure, I mean. I posted on instagram right at the new year talking about using an ovulation test. I started using those because the first several months of trying, nothing was happening for me. After consulting with a doctor, I was told to track my cycle. I got hyped up and excited thinking it would work miracles within months, like it does for many couples.

This is when it starts to get difficult. I discussed the topic in this post here. I got some great advice in the comments last time I posted about this, so I wanted to continue being open about fertility. I found an acupuncturist. It’s not cheap and the herbs taste terrible and you’re suppose to de-stress, change your diet and have frequents sessions with the acupuncturist. It’s just one step that some women take during this process. I also am taking a break from hot yoga (that I LOVE) because you’re not suppose to do that right now. I should be going to regular yoga, but I don’t like it as much. I appreciate those of you that commented and shared your experiences. I instantly felt less alone and more supported. For those of you wondering, there’s a decently large group of us out there around their 40s wanting to conceive as naturally as possible, or any way possible.

How many of you are in or have recently been in this two week waiting period time and time again? (I can’t help but laugh at this phrase. It gives “lady in waiting” a whole new meaning.) I want to run to the store and get pregnancy tests but my doctor says it’s too early and would only create more stress for me to think that way. I just need to be patient. UGHHHH. And my question is: do you feel supported? How are you getting through it? Do you go on forums or have people to talk to? Of course we have our DH (dear husbands in the TCC community) or partner that may or may not totally understanding. I’m also TRYING to remember that I need to be supportive of my husband during this time, too. So, I’m learning it’s unfair of me to expect him to understand this emotionally charged time. I try not to vent too much or stress out to him about this topic (hence my venting here— wondering if he gets this far in the post-lol). Of course, Joel and I are in this together. It’s our family. Our triumphs. And our stress. That strengthens us. (eventually;)

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